Now

You know that sadness you feel? The one you keep deep inside you. The one you can't let out because others would see it. You keep that sadness because it motivates you. It makes you remember. All the pain, sorrow, and regret. All of it is one big ball of despair inside you. You decide to keep it because you could. You could feel it inside you trying to come out, but it won't because you know what it feels like to let it out. You're afraid to let it out. You don't want people to know what's on the inside. You don't want to  show the world what is truly happening to you. It's because you're afraid. For them, for yourself. You're afraid of what you can do, and what you won't do. You're afraid of what people would say when they see you. It's not that it hurts. It hurts much more than that. Knowing the girl you like like someone else. Knowing how meaningless your life actually is. Knowing how such a tiny speck you are in the world. It is the only thing you can do. To know. It's the only thing that you can keep.  It's the object that helps keep you from exploding or breaking down. It help keep your emotions under control. And do you know why? It's because you know.